Resurfacing

Childhood returning,
memories I thought had faded.
Take a chance,
forget this life
and move on.
I tried that,
I failed.
Heighten the pain?
Come on!
Spit at me again!
Say those dirty names again!
Stab me where it hurts the most,
say I'm worthless.

She is beautiful and she is great.
Always, I came in second place.
She got gold and I got silver,
she got her favourites, now what's left over?
Yes I'll take it, make it mine,
I'll take what I can.

Each little compliment
leaves me speechless and stunned,
I cannot believe it.
Am I not the hideous wreck
 those girls and boys saw?
Am I not the waste of space,
the extra, those children fought?
Take me last,
again and again.
Stare at me,
feel overpowering regret,
wash through you.
Please,
give me that comfort.